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Dreaming

When I was younger, especially during my school and university years, I had very little time for dreaming. My days were structured and full, often with compulsory but not very enjoyable activities, without much space to recharge, check in with myself, and dream. These days, I prioritise dreaming, among other things. I often sit down in the this corner (in the picture above), with a glass of tap water or with tea, to dream. For me, it's such an important practice of simple and slow living. 

Do fellow humans usually share their dreams with others? I share my practice openly via this autoethnography, so I decided to share my dreams, too. 

Moving to Rønne

It's a town in Bornholm (a Danish island). I fell in love with this town when I first visited it. It's where the ferry arrives from Ystad, Sweden. If you are in Denmark for some weeks, I would recommend visiting Rønne, and Bornholm in general, for a few days. Many artisans and artists live there. It's a very healing space by the sea, that is so welcoming to slow, deep, simple living. I would like to live there and grow my own food. 

Realistically, my partner and I will not move there in the coming years. My partner has childcare responsibilities in Copenhagen. But perhaps we will spend more time in Bornholm in the coming years, as I would love for my child to be close to nature as often as possible.

Writing a piece about extremely minimalist pregnancy and parenting

In my life, I've written numerous academic articles, a PhD monograph, a solo authored book, a co-authored book (here's a link to all my academic works). And while several of my works use this autoethnography as my data, my works have been academic. 

I would love to write about my experiences of extremely minimalist pregnancy and parenting, for myself and for fellow humans who are interested in these topics. I've been taking many notes on extreme minimalism, pregnancy and parenting throughout my pregnancy. Those fellow humans who have been reading this autoethnography for some time have probably noticed that this topic has been on my mind ever since I got pregnant. I've also been trying to find information about navigating pregnancy and parenting in a way that would be close to how I live my life (with very few possessions, slowly, simply). Such information certainly exists. Yet, it feels fragmented and overpowered by information about other approaches. This is not to say that I believe that my approach is the right one, but it's the one that is right for me and perhaps for some fellow humans, too. 

I remember talking to my partner about having a child. Pregnancy and having a child is so expensive, he said. Like many fellow humans, we could not afford a normal (in the area where we used to live, Frederiksberg) pattern of consumption with countless pregnancy and baby related items (special pillows, baby gyms, bouncers, strollers, toys, clothes for different occasions, pieces of furniture and equipment). Even buying all these items second-hand would not be affordable. Neither would I want to consume this way, as it would conflict with my worldview, preferences, values, and mental health. 

Despite finding very little information about extremely minimalist pregnancy and parenting, and many warnings about my approach that I received from fellow humans, I decided to dwell in my authenticity and welcome all successes and failures. I'm learning a lot on this path, and I want to share all these learnings in a more holistic way.

Running a zero-waste space

I've been researching sustainable businesses since 2016, the year I started working on my PhD. My PhD itself was about small sustainable businesses. Over the years, I've taught sustainability in business, had wonderful, deep conversations with hundreds of businesspersons, and written about sustainable business. I've been dreaming about running my own cooperative business for a long time. It would be a space that combines a zero-waste shop with learning opportunities (workshops, talks), and free exchange between fellow humans. Very often, I feel sorrow about a lack of zero-waste stores in Copenhagen, and I would love to run my own one. My partner and I wrote to a funder that funds academic projects to ask if they would support this initiative (as we would also like to research our own experience of starting a business). While they like the idea, they cannot provide startup capital. This is unfortunate because funders support buying equipment (lab equipment, computers and so on) for research in the natural sciences. As social scientists, we study organisations, among other things. While it's easier to study existing ones, it feels meaningful to study the ones researchers establish themselves. Otherwise there remains a gap between theory and practice. I notice it in my own academic field: researchers make suggestions for businesses that look good in theory but are completely unrealistic, at least in the short-term. 

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Celebrating and supporting my ageing process

Recently, a fellow human asked my partner and I how we felt about ageing. We sat down and talked about it (here), but I wanted to share my reflections here in my autoethnography, too. It's such an important topic. As I'm writing these words, I'm 36. My body recovers much slower than previously. I have some grey hairs and wrinkles. My skin is looser, especially on my face. 

I love ageing. 

I didn't grow up in an environment that celebrated ageing. My mother and grandmother would often talk about the signs of ageing they were observing in their bodies, sharing ideas on how to look younger. For my grandmother, her appearance was a source of attention and validation, and losing her youthfulness seemed to be challenging for her. Both these fellow women were buying anti-ageing products and dyeing their hair. Other fellow humans in my social circle were also worried about ageing, researching various ways to try and prevent it, spending substantial amounts on various potions. 

Then my mother died in her early 40s. I was 17 at that time. She died young, and this encouraged me to think more about ageing, getting old, to develop a deeper relationship to ageing, something that my mother never experienced, as she never truly aged. 

I observed that many wonderful things came into my life with age: a more holistic, stable and helpful philosophy of life, wisdom, knowing what I truly wanted in life, things that I genuinely appreciate (such as love and my family). 

When I was younger, I was trying to please my mother by doing well at school. Like many fellow humans, I was brought up to be attentive to the wisdom of older persons. With age, I came to the realisation that it was not my task to please others, and that older persons could be wrong, or their ideas of, say, success, could be very different to mine. For example, a while ago, a male professor told me that to succeed in academia, I and other fellow women, needed to behave "like men". This suggestion went so completely against my own life's philosophy. I strongly believe in a caring, gentle, nurturing approach to life and fellow beings. In authenticity and intuition. I heard his advice but decided not to take it seriously. Even older persons can say things that are utter nonsense, or simply don't align with the way I want to live my life (and that's ok). Earlier in my life, I would think about someone's advice for many days, trying to examine my life and my behaviours. 

There are practices that I implement to celebrate ageing. I don't use hair dyes and anti-ageing products. In fact, I avoid anti-ageing products. I boycott them, as I don't want to support any brand that advocates anti-ageing. I don't want to be shamed for undergoing natural biological processes: getting wrinkles and looser skin, grey hair. I don't want to look younger, to use creams, injections, makeup and clothing to achieve that. I do not believe that we owe youthfulness to society, to men. 

Having said that, I appreciate energy and vibrancy that are usually associated with being young. I nurture vibrancy via walking as much as I can, via reading and writing. I intend to spend much time in nature with my child. Learning, unlearning, making plans for the future are all vibrant activities. 

Instead of trying to fight my ageing process, I try to support my body and my soul in this process. I try to focus on inner growth and create space for wisdom, learning, and unlearning. 

I pursue slow and simple living. I don't want to live in a bigger house, have a car, or more possessions. I don't want more expensive possessions or a lot of savings. 

I say no to the things that are not/don't feel nurturing. I don't experience fomo (fear of missing out). I am passionate about keeping my calendar as clear as possible. Learning to say no is so important. I feel that there is so much information online about how to say no, to avoid feeling guilty. But saying no should not be a source of guilt in the first place. It's as valid as saying yes, so I believe that there is one way, simply saying the word no. I observe that in my field, academia, many PhD students struggle to say no (to something that is clearly not their task), thinking that saying yes will earn them respect from those above them in the academic hierarchy. Yet, most of the time, it leads to exploitation of humans, them fulfilling someone else's obligations, working to progress someone else's career, doing activities far beyond what is in their contracts. I did my PhD in my 20s, and I certainly said yes to things that were not my tasks. But I don't do it anymore. There are always new opportunities and possibilities. Pregnancy has made it even easier for me to say no, as I prioritise my yet unborn child and my own wellbeing. I say no to most family events these days too, as I need more time to recharge and want to spend more time only with my yet unborn baby and nature.

I sleep as long as I need to. When I was younger, I could still do a lot while sleeping very little. As I'm ageing, I can't do it anymore. I feel physically unwell. I prioritise sleeping enough. 

I am excited about new signs of ageing and enjoy being on the path of being gentle towards my body that has been a wonderful home to my soul for so many years, that enabled me to grow and experience life. 

Some fellow humans say that I will change my attitude towards ageing when I face problems of old age, such as illness. I was very ill when I was a child for periods of time, so I personally don't associate young age with health and getting older with illness. Having said that, I will navigate issues when they arise and will not worry about them until then. 

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Pregnancy skin and body care

My skin and body care during pregnancy is not different to my usual skin and body care. I live with an autoimmune skin condition, and a while ago, in my early 20s, I came to the realisation that the less I use on my skin, the better it feels and looks. I used to struggle with my skin during my childhood. At that time, my mother and grandmother would buy skin and body care items for me. They didn't have the same skin condition, and they assumed that we just needed to find the right product. When I could finally make my own decisions, I began to explore other, more natural and simple options. These days, I almost never have flare ups. 

If I was to pick only three items to use, I would choose a toothbrush, toothpaste and an unscented bar of soap. At times, when I travel or stay away from home for a while, this is exactly what I do. Apart from that, occasionally (especially in cold Nordic winters) I would use a natural balm. These days, I like to use oils instead. Every day, I use oil to massage my baby bump as an act of self-care and bonding with my yet unborn baby. I've used the natural balm that I had for this purpose too, but I ran out of it very quickly. It was too expensive to repurchase, and it also took a while to absorb, which is something I try to avoid. I invited grapeseed oil from a local cooperative supermarket into my life. I also use this oil to remove sunscreen (I use bar soap afterwards to remove the residue), for my face, lips, hair, and body. I always apply oils to wet skin, and to the lips, so that I can avoid lip balms. 

Over the years, I've tried several oils and plant butters. I observe that some work well (for me) for some purposes, but not all, while others seem to work well for everything. The ones that work well for as many purposes as possible, and thus help me step away from many products, are the ones I choose to invite into my life these days. My favourite oils are apricot, grapeseed, and argan. Some other oils and butters that I've tried over many years, since 2010 or so, are almond, olive, jojoba, avocado, moringa, linseed, hemp, rosehip, cocoa butter, coconut oil, and shea butter. I try to choose oils that have a very soft scent, or none at all. Even pleasant natural scents (e.g., those of coconut oil, hemp oil, olive oil, raw cocoa butter) feel a little overwhelming to me, especially now in pregnancy. 

Towards the end of the second trimester, I began to experience mild heartburn. I decided not to take any medication for it, as it's not severe at all. But to make my life more comfortable, I eat small portions and drink water often throughout the day. Something that has been helping me relieve the unpleasant sensation at the back of my throat has been a natural toothpaste with calcium carbonate as the first ingredient. I found this toothpaste to be very soothing. 

I've been using a crystal deodorant for a while. I don't use it every day though. Only when I feel that I want to. My partner and I share this crystal. We also share a sunscreen.