433

 Eco-consumerism

Recently, I've given away several cotton bags via my local byttestation (Danish; swap shop in English). I've also given one to my partner as he needed a bag to transport his child's clothes and toys. I decided to keep only three plain cotton bags for grocery shopping by the entrance and one for my everyday use. There are a few small cotton pouches too that I use for various things, and two cotton bags that we use for laundry (black and white). I use cotton bags every day, and I could keep the ones I gave away to use them when the ones I've kept wear out. But in my experience, these bags last a very long time. I wash them regularly with our towels, so no stains settle. They do shrink after a while, but I still use them. I decided to keep only the ones I use regularly because fellow humans might need the other ones more. Our local byttestationer are busy, so I hope that someone will take those bags and use them. People can also use them to take books from the byttestationer home, and then hopefully bring the tote bags back if they don't need them. 

I was contemplating the reason why I have so many of those bags at home. I've accumulated them in some years. Something that I try to actively avoid is eco-consumerism, but perhaps in some ways I've also been part of it. I see eco-consumerism as taking part in consumerism of perceived ecological/green goods. It's still consumerism. It might be better for nature as in this case humans consume products that are already in existence or consume greener products (e.g., organic, biodegradable, reusable). But it changes culture only marginally. It doesn't address the issue of overconsumption. 

I'll sketch some notes on green products and second-hand shopping. 

In recent years, green goods (reusable water bottles, cotton bags, metal straws) have become widespread. Companies producing reusable water bottles come up with new designs as if they were fashion businesses. Cotton bags have become a fashion item. I've noticed that these days many fellow humans treat reusable products as disposable ones. I've also invited into my life various cotton bags of different sizes and colours. After a while, I noticed that I was simply reproducing the same consumption pattern of consuming the goods that were not necessary, though on a small scale. All those cotton bags fulfilled the same purpose and had the same shortcomings (e.g., they would shrink in the wash and were not rainproof). Some were a bit bigger than others, but I certainly didn't need so many of them. What prompted me to reduce the number of those bags and be happy with just a few ones in undyed cotton was me seeing some cotton bag somewhere and thinking that it was such a beautiful colour. I didn't buy it, but I felt so ashamed of this thought. Afterwards, I was happy that something in me provoked reflection. I believe that it can be difficult to say no to oneself when it comes to consuming green products. After all, they are not that bad for nature. Or are they?

I've always avoided second-hand shopping. Buying second-hand is one of the best practices for a more sustainable living, but it takes a lot of time and can result in spontaneous purchases. Of course it's not as bad as buying, say, fast fashion. And I also understand that other humans relate with objects differently to how I relate with objects. They might not like minimalist aesthetics at all. And it's ok. But when it comes to clothing, for fellow humans it's hard to tell if something was bought new or second-hand. The only thing my fellow humans are seeing is that I change or do not change my outfit. I choose to wear the same outfit every day to communicate that it's ok to pursue simplicity, to be happy with what I have. If I have a child, I would want them to see that I am comfortable with wearing the same outfit every day, that I can still feel joy and grow as a person, that other things are more important. But perhaps I would buy clothes second-hand if I was more interested in fashion. Despite avoiding second-hand shopping, I still use other humans' items. For example, many kitchen items we have my partner inherited from his grandparents. At times, I borrow my partner's headphones and t-shirts. When I lived in Sweden and Finland, most of the kitchen items I lived with were borrowed. 

432

 Wardrobe

For many years, I've lived with a very small number of clothes. In the past few months, I've downsized my wardrobe to 10 items. These 10 items are 2 linen shirts, 2 pairs of sweatpants, 2 pairs of shorts, 1 jacket and 3 basic tops. In addition to that, I have 1 woollen scarf and 1 cotton scarf. And a bag with underwear and socks. 

This mode of relating with clothes works well for me. My cat was the inspiration behind this mode of relating with clothes. I observed her for a while, and she looked so confident, beautiful and graceful. She wore the same outfit every day, and it didn't bother her at all that she couldn't wear anything else. She was all grey with some white patches when she was sunbathing, playing, when guests were around, when she attended my meetings with colleagues. I was in awe. Some may say that this would be the same if I walked around without any clothes at all, and while it is true, due to social norms and cold climate (I live in Denmark), having a uniform is what comes closest to the cat looking the same every day. 

Every now and then I observe a non-human being, such as a magpie, and I feel so inspired once again. 

I wear the same outfit for all occasions. In summer, I wear shorts instead of sweatpants. At times, I skip the shirt and just wear a basic top. 

I wear only my favourite, calming colours that are not overstimulating. Everything matches. Everything looks very simple. For example, the shorts are not too short, so I can wear them to more formal events. The sweatpants are not too baggy so I can wear them when I teach. Everything, apart from the jacket, is made from organic cotton or linen. My clothes are very easy to wash, and I can wash all of these items together. When we were moving, all my clothes fit in one cotton bag. 

To arrive at this point, in the beginning of my journey, I reflected on what I liked and why. I actually wrote down everything that I lived with and the colours I loved wearing. I preferred the colours that I could easily find in nature. Flower petals, stones, sand, wood. I loved the colour of undyed linen and cotton. So I decided to welcome only these colours into my wardrobe. 

I notice that my clothes wear out, as there are so few of them. To slow down this process, I repair things. I avoid fast fashion completely, and prefer to buy from the companies that produce the same items over and over again rather than pursue fashion trends and encourage humans to reinvent themselves often. 

I do not shop second-hand. While I do believe that it's a good sustainability practice, oftentimes shopping second-hand turns into (eco)consumerism. To find the right item, something very similar to what I have already and in the quality I look for (e.g., certified organic cotton), I would need to spend much time on shopping. And this is something I avoid. 

431

 Childhood

In my autoethnography, I focus mainly on my current practices and principles and what constrains and empowers me on this journey. But at times, I feel the need to link these current practices and principles with what unfolded in the past. These days, I've been thinking about my own childhood for two reasons. One is that my worldview probably was, at least in some ways, shaped by my childhood experiences. I talk about it a little bit in this book. I was born in a large city but then, when I was just a few years old, my family moved to a rural area due to my stepfather's job. I grew up in and with nature. We returned to the large city when I was a teenager, and by then my worldview, my character and preferences at least in some ways had been shaped. Another reason why I contemplate my own childhood is because at times my partner and I talk about having a child. Due to precarious and temporary academic jobs and academic nomadism, I have never thought about having a child. I didn't know when and where I could settle, and with whom (perhaps even simply with myself). When my partner and I became a couple, having a child became a possibility, and I stopped thinking so much about academic jobs and how precarious they are. In the end of the day, I wouldn't want my industry to influence serious decisions in life. At times, fellow humans in my field sacrifice parenthood, important relationships and interests for an academic job.

I have been thinking about how I was growing up. There was a lot less personal technology and social media, but there were still plenty of toys around. There was Lego and there were Barbie dolls. 

When I was very young, I preferred to play with the objects around me rather than with toys. Shoe boxes and shoe laces were some of my favourite toys. I loved children's books, especially interacting with them in an unguided way, looking through the pages without adults reading those books for me. My mother and stepfather never had a chain of activities imposed upon me. Oftentimes, we would simply go to a park where I could play and interact with non-humans. In the rural area, I spent a lot of time outside, in a large garden, with animals, insects, in fields and with trees. I didn't like human-made objects and tv as much as what I could find in nature. Nature was infinitely more beautiful, interesting, surprising. In the rural area, there were very few shops. These days I see so many children being taken to shopping centres and playgrounds in those shopping centres. To me such environments feel overwhelming and loud. I used to draw and paint, make things from clay, read, and write. I was making things from seed beads, looking after my pets and house and garden plants. Early in my life I was introduced to various edible berries, mushrooms, and herbs, and in spring, summer and autumn I would pick them. I used to pick leaves and flowers to dry them between the pages of books. I used to have books with descriptions of various plants, and I would try to identify them. Adults involved my brother and I in simple, everyday activities such as cooking and looking after the garden very often and from a young age. 

Early on, I realised that entertainment comes from within just as much as it comes from the outside world. Both my brother and I created whole worlds in our minds and would tell each other stories about those worlds. When I was by myself, I would be thinking about that world and what was unfolding there. In my childhood, I talked to trees and other non-human beings. 

These days, the world looks and feels somewhat different, and my child would be growing up in a city. Yet, I feel that there are so many ideas from my own childhood that I would want to repeat in bringing up my child. For example, the pace of life can be slow, activities unguided. A park can be chosen instead of a cinema or a shopping centre. Everyday objects can be toys.