Extremely minimalist engagement and thoughts on our wedding
We met through work. He reached out to me when I published an article about degrowth business in the end of my PhD journey in 2020. We decided to write another article together. At that time, both of us were in relationships. We didn't see each other as potential partners. I lived in England and he was based in Denmark. Then I moved to northern Sweden and eventually we got an opportunity to meet. We met in Lund in 2022. Then we met in work related events several more times, and we fell in love. We became a couple in May 2023. This relationship was not easy to navigate. We lived in different countries. I was in Finland at that time, and he lived in Denmark. He has a child from his previous relationship, which means that our relationship was unfolding within a restrictive framework of shared childcare responsibilities. I moved to Denmark in September 2023, and he proposed to me on Valentine's day 2024, just a few days after my birthday. We were at home, and he said he loved me and thought that we should get married. We'd had conversations about marriage before, but he thought that as someone coming from an anarchist perspective, I would not want the state to be involved in my relationship. I thought that after his first marriage, he would not want to marry again. Both of us are academics looking into sustainability transformations. And we are also practitioners of voluntary simplicity. My ideal practice perhaps looks more radical to an observer. I prefer furniture-free living, for example. He didn't propose with a ring because everything that comes into my life and my space needs to be intentional. I decided to wear a ring that will be sustainably handmade in the Nordics from recycled materials. It will be very narrow and will not feature any decorations such as stones. Here simplicity and sustainability are my guiding principles. He will not wear a ring. I considered this too, but then decided against it. Perhaps at some point I will discuss the reason. At this moment, it feels vulnerable.
We talked a lot about the wedding too. There is so much information online about zero-waste weddings and how fellow humans approach them. For example, some rent or buy second-hand dresses. They opt for vegan and vegetarian, local food, local venues. They approach gifts intentionally. They avoid single-use cutlery. And so on. Yet, we want our wedding to align with as many of our principles and practices as possible, so we decided that it will be extremely minimalist. It will be just us, no guests. We will wear what we wear in our everyday life. I will wear shorts made from organic cotton in Europe, and a shirt made from organic cotton. I will not wear any makeup, jewellery apart from the ring. I will not style my hair. I will use one of my organic cotton tote bags. I will wear the sandals I wear in my everyday life. So there will be nothing that we will buy specifically for the wedding. Perhaps we will have flowers and stones from nature at home, but certainly no other decorations. The magic will come from self-transcending emotions rather than from objects. I do not need objects to make this day special. Afterwards, we will go somewhere locally, in the Nordics. We will not have gifts from the family or each other. There will be no special cake or any special food. We will eat what we love, simple, everyday food. Many family members asked about our wedding. We will probably visit some family members after the wedding but we will not have celebrations or parties. We will not spend much on our wedding at all. Instead, we will make a donation to an environmental cause that both of us support.
We have talked about me changing my surname. Some view women taking their husbands' surname as something that is not a feminist act. I have noticed that in academia it is somewhat different. In academia, one's surname becomes something akin to a brand. Fellow humans associate academics' names with certain concepts and fields. On my path, many fellow humans have been critical about my relationship with a fellow scholar. Some are critical about us writing together. We've written several articles and a book together, and we are planning to write more. This is because we write well together, we have the same work ethic and we bring together our different interests. He is a critical political economist, and I specialise in business and transformations on the micro-level, such as change in our practices and how we relate with the world. I am planning to take his last name as an act of protest against (usually unspoken) norms within academia, many of which I went against already.