Exiting the first trimester
We often feel constellations of emotions. Different, sometimes even conflicting, emotions at once. This pregnancy was planned and wanted, but in the first trimester it certainly didn't go as I planned, or rather, wanted it to unfold. It's been a humbling experience. I've felt immense gratitude and self-transcendence. I also hated so many moments of it.
I found out that I was pregnant at week 4, and at week 5+3 (5 weeks and 3 days) I already had an appointment with a midwife at my GP's office to help me navigate this journey and the Danish healthcare system. For a week, my only symptoms were breathlessness, tiredness and feeling extremely warm at night. After my appointment, my health started to decline rapidly. I couldn't eat or drink anything. Nothing would stay in, even water. I couldn't sleep due to horrible pain associated with nausea, became dehydrated and started to faint. Every smell, every source of light became a trigger. Calling acute care and going into the emergency department was not very helpful. It took 1.5 hours to reach acute care by phone at night. They said that feeling this way in early pregnancy is normal. Only after a while they told me to go to the emergency department. At the emergency department they said there was nothing that they could do about my condition, and that I needed to come back the next day to visit the gynaecology department where experts would assess my condition and find suitable medication.
I ended up in the hospital's gynaecology department at 6+2 weeks. I was connected to an iv drip and given ondansetron (zofran). I was diagnosed with hyperemesis gravidarum (severe nausea and vomiting in pregnancy) and stayed at the hospital until I could walk again. Since that time, I've been taking zofran almost every day. While zofran prevented vomiting, it didn't stop nausea. I didn't have food cravings, only food and smell aversions. Until around week 11 I was sleeping most of the time. Every small task would take hours to complete. I struggled to walk up the stairs to the fifth floor (there is no lift in my building), struggled to wash my hair. I couldn't stand in the shower up until week 11. I would just sit on the floor. Whenever I had a meeting, I would take a double doze of zofran, and then sleep for many hours afterwards.
Towards the end of the first trimester, I began to feel better. I was still taking zofran, but I began to have days without severe nausea. Just extreme tiredness. I began to eat and slowly regain the weight that I lost in the first weeks of pregnancy. I could walk again. I could finally use various recommendations for morning sickness, such as eat often and drink ginger tea. I felt that I finally experienced normal morning sickness (though for me it was in the afternoon and evening) after many weeks of living with hyperemesis gravidarum.
I've been wanting to eat mainly fresh fruits and vegetables. I still struggle to drink plain tap water (which I normally love), so I drink fresh ginger infusion and I often eat soup made from local vegetables that I happen to have in my fridge (potatoes, carrots, onions, at times celery and even spinach). These days, I eat more imported fruits (oranges and satsumas) than I would have done at other times. As a sustainable living practitioner and researcher, sometimes I feel guilty for buying oranges and fresh ginger. Normally I would rather get local herbs and local apples and pears at this time of the year. But I'm also trying to be gentle towards myself.
Going through the first trimester of pregnancy, in my case, coincided with a very dark time here in Denmark. There have been weeks without sunlight, and days have been getting shorter. More than any kind of food, I was craving sunlight. I felt better every time I could feel the sun on my skin.
I remember telling my father-in-law, before I got pregnant, that I would not want to become a patient when I am pregnant. Yet, things unfolded very differently. I was at my GP's office, at a gynaecologist's office and at hospitals countless times. I lost count of how many times my blood was taken and other tests performed. I had three early scans to check if the baby was doing well despite me being very ill (they were!).
I dream of being able to live without zofran and of having more energy.