313

Approaching myself

Often in this autoethnography I mentioned that I avoid consuming various categories of products that are normal in our society. They are, for example, a car, bicycle, makeup, occasion wear, resorts, services (hairdressing etc.), home décor. I use the word normal in a somewhat loose way. I believe that my fellow humans who read this understand what I mean, but I want to clarify that even within our capitalist, materially wealthy society there is a diversity of modes of being in, and relating with, the world. So when I compare my consumption with what's normal, in my mind I construct some idea of normal consumption. Often in constructing this idea in my mind, I rely on what I observe around me. 

This avoidance of the normal pattern of consumption and relating with objects is not a sacrifice. It feels more akin to approaching myself. I feel more whole and authentic. In more philosophical terms, I feel that I am getting closer to what Roy Bhaskar calls the "ground state", i.e., who we truly are: beings with capacities for love, creativity, freedom, empathy, self-transcendence, right action. 

Here I want to highlight a few things that I do and don't do. 

I don't go to museums/theatres/cinema. Museums and theatres were a big part of my life when I was young. My family loved such places. They loved human-made objects and culture in a somewhat narrow sense, while I wanted to spend my time with nature and non-human beings. For a long time, I was ashamed of saying that I dislike museums, that cinema did not bring me joy. This is not to say that these places are bad in any way. They were simply not for me. 

I don't listen to music. When I listen to the sea, to the ice travelling down rivers in the spring, to the wind playing with the leaves of trees in northern Sweden, I cannot imagine more beautiful sounds. Many fellow humans say to me that it does not have to be either/or, that I can listen to both, nature's music and human-made music. But I much prefer nature's music. It doesn't feel overstimulating. Thus I avoid concerts and consuming human-made music altogether. 

I draw and paint only for myself. When I was young, my family sent me to an art school because I could draw and paint. Over time, I realised that some things that I can do, I can do simply for myself and my own joy and relaxation. It doesn't have to be turned into objects for others or for sale.

I spend much time with myself and nature. Our education system and society seem to work better for extraverted humans. But over time, I embraced my introversion. I felt more at peace with myself then. I often like having fika with the sun and be present with non-human beings.

I wear a uniform. Every day, I wear sweatpants, a basic top, and a linen shirt. In summer, I wear shorts instead, and when it's warm I skip the linen shirt or the basic top underneath. This allows me to avoid participating in overconsumption of clothing and wear only what feels comfortable and looks beautiful (to me). 

I avoid events. Large scale events such as graduations, weddings, funerals, parties feel overstimulating to me. So I avoid them. I also avoid conferences whenever possible. Instead, I read, go for a walk, connect with nature, dream, sketch, draft. 

I avoid services. I use basic services such as public transport, libraries, and healthcare, but there are plenty of services such as hairdressing, beauty and nail salons, massage, gyms etc. that I don't feel I need.

I don't sell things I don't need. Even when it's something expensive that I have received as a gift, I give it away rather than sell it. I've even given away all the jewellery I received as gifts from my family. 

I don't go to restaurants. I avoid sophisticated restaurants because such places exclude many fellow humans. At times, I go to a casual restaurant or a café, but not too often.

I don't go shopping. Like my fellow humans, I buy groceries and at times visit shops to buy something I need. But to me, shopping is not a form of entertainment. I don't enjoy it.

I don't watch tv. It has never attracted me and I've always, since my childhood, found tv overstimulating. 

I don't define myself in terms of my career/earnings/citations/publications. My one and only career in life is that of a human being. My main responsibility to myself, fellow humans, non-humans, and nature is to grow and manifest various human capacities in my actions. Capacities for love, care, empathy, solidarity. 

I don't own a bicycle. A bicycle has become a symbol of sustainable living. My fellow humans often assume that because I don't own a car, I must own a bicycle. But I walk everywhere or use public transport.

I embrace simplicity. Sometimes I felt ashamed of having simple taste when it comes to food, clothes, my home. Then I accepted it. 

I don't want to have more than what I live with. When I realised this, it felt incredibly liberating. For the rest of my life I could live with less than 50 items and be very happy. I don't have a wish list.

I don't keep sentimental items, photographs, gifts, messages. The only objects that is sentimental (and also a decoration) is a stone I brought with me from northern Sweden. It lived with me in Sweden, Finland, and Denmark. Apart from the stone, I don't have anything else that could be considered sentimental. This is not to say that memories don't matter to me. But I prefer to keep them in my mind. 

I do nothing. At times, I simply do nothing. I don't feel that I need to fill my day with things to accomplish. Doing nothing facilitates my personal growth and creativity. 

I sleep more in winter. Since I moved out of my family home, I have lived without curtains to live with the rhythms of nature. This means that in summer I sleep less, in winter I sleep more. I feel healthier and happier this way. I very rarely use my alarm clock. It feels violent.

There are so many more things that I do and don't do that in some ways deviate from the norm. Perhaps in the future I will dive into more of them, or deeper into some of the ones I mentioned above. Living this way allows me to withdraw my support from many capitalist structures and organisations, deviate from overconsumption, take less resources from the Earth, have more financial freedom, be more authentic. 

312

 Learning from and with a fellow human

Many years ago, I used to use a special cleaning solution and a microfiber cloth to clean my laptop. These days, I use a piece of cotton cloth that was part of the packaging of some organic cotton home textiles. As I was cleaning my laptop, one of several of my possessions, I was thinking about a fellow human with whom I had an interesting conversation. She is an elderly person in her late 70s or early 80s. She's had an interesting life. She is Danish but in her youth she worked on humanitarian projects abroad, and she studied in France for some years. She speaks Danish, French, English, and Arabic. Over the years, she and her husband have accumulated many objects. Some of the items she has in her home she inherited. When I was visiting her home, I noticed a large wooden chest and asked her about it. She said that a long time ago it was used to store clothes. We were in her kitchen and were discussing cleaning. She was looking at some large glass jars where she kept flour and other ingredients. She said they could perhaps be cleaned but she never obsesses about cleaning. There are more important things in life, including what kind of person you are and what you strive for. I was thinking about my own life too. I felt that her approach was close to how I related with cleaning. I keep my space clean but I try to spend enough (lagom, just the right amount) time on it, but not too much. I don't own many objects, so cleaning is not too difficult. Though it became more time consuming when I moved in with my partner and we invited his child's objects into our space. 

This conversation with the fellow human I mentioned made me think about energy and how and where we spend it. I try to be intentional with both my energy and time, and avoid taking part in activities that I consider distracting from my path.