Buying items for the baby
A fellow human asks: Do you have any list of what you will buy for the baby?
This question felt very timely: I read it when my partner and I were discussing setting up a tiny savings account so that we can buy some items for the baby in the future. We also decided to have conversations with our family members about gift-giving in advance so that they can contribute financially rather than invite objects into our life that we do not need or want.
Currently, I am just over 14 weeks pregnant. These weeks have been very stressful and challenging with hyperemesis gravidarum, multiple infections, multiple hospital visits, scans and medications. Yet, at this moment, I'm feeling hopeful. Days are finally getting longer, and the first trimester scan looked good. I am looking forward to spring and summer, to being with the healing sea and the sun. The baby is due in the very beginning of July. The midwife we saw last time (at our first trimester scan) mentioned that there is a 70% chance that the baby is a boy (both my partner and I have this feeling too for some reason).
Since I got pregnant, on many occasions I tried to sketch a list of what we will buy (or otherwise acquire) for the baby. But every time, the list that manifested in my mind was so short that I thought there wasn't any need to actually write it down.
It goes without saying that my list may be different to fellow pregnant persons' lists. My list is not a benchmark for my fellow humans. It's how I personally choose to relate with objects. And another disclaimer: at this stage, I can't be absolutely sure that the pregnancy will be successful. I also can't be sure what exactly we will buy, because it depends on so many things. For example, I was expecting to buy nothing in the first trimester of my pregnancy, but I ended up buying so many medications that were prescribed to me as I was living with hyperemesis gravidarum and multiple infections.
In my practice of parenting, I plan to implement the same principles (such as sufficiency and simplicity) that I have lived by in the past 15 years or so. They work well for me and I hope that they will serve my baby too. I strongly believe that I am enough. I can provide love, care, gentleness, reassurance, safety, warmth, food and so many other things to the baby. I am meant to do so by nature, like other diverse fellow beings. If I cannot fulfil some function, I will turn to the healthcare system.
We decided to buy nothing before the baby is here. When I say buy, I do not necessarily mean buy new. If possible, we would love to invite second-hand items into our lives.
I decided not to read any books about pregnancy. Like other pregnant persons, I am very interested in what is unfolding in my body. But I feel that I get sufficient information from the Danish authorities and the NHS. I also receive plenty of information from healthcare professionals here in Denmark. Instead of reading books about pregnancy, I read the usual literature that I enjoy, such as Walden by Thoreau, Bhaskar's MetaReality, or Seneca's Letters. It feels so important for me to nourish my philosophy of life that also empowers me as a mother. At times, I read some paragraphs out loud for the baby, though they probably don't hear just yet and even if they do, they don't understand. And that's ok.
Even though my dream has always been water birth at home, considering the pregnancy challenges I'm living with, I intend to give birth at a hospital here in Copenhagen. Afterwards, most likely, I will stay there for a few days as a first time mother.
When the baby is here, we plan to invite into our life a small mattress made from natural materials and a cover for it. The mattress will be by my side of our bed. My partner and I sleep on the floor, and the three of us will sleep on the floor. When the baby is old enough, they will co-sleep with us, in our bed.
I intend to babywear and do not plan to buy a stroller. I want to carry my child myself and keep them very close to me at all times. We hope to get a second-hand baby carrier.
My beautiful and inspiring stepmother-in-law promised to knit something for the baby. Perhaps she will knit a blanket and/or some clothes. As for clothes, I don't know how big the baby is going to be, so I don't want to buy anything in advance. I was born a few weeks before my due date, and I was small. In the first months, apart from cloth diapers, I wasn't wearing anything. I was wrapped in cloths made from cotton. We plan to use cloth diapers too.
I don't plan to buy skincare for the baby. When I was born, my mother and grandmother used plain water and a cloth (and later soap too) to keep my skin clean. I was born with an autoimmune skin condition, and most products would irritate my skin. When the baby is older, I plan to share the products I use with them. I use plain water and a balm that was originally made for babies (I will write more about it soon). The baby will be born in summer, and I plan to keep them out of the sun until their skin is strong enough to tolerate zero-waste sunscreen that is designed for babies (that I will also use).
I hope to be able to breastfeed my baby. I don't plan to buy anything for this, unless I have to. Recently, my partner jokingly asked what I will do if I have a meeting. I intend to breastfeed at the university too, and during online meetings.
We will most likely buy several plain cloths and towels too.
There are many things that we do not plan to buy. We will not have a baby room, so we will not buy any furniture and décor. I do not want to invite into my life a baby monitor, a dedicated changing table (I am happy to use the floor), a white noise machines. I want to avoid disposables as much as possible and products designed for a certain purpose (such as a diaper bag). I do not want to own a bathtub either or items that were not there when I was born (e.g., a baby gym). If possible, I would love to avoid pacifiers (I didn't want them when I was a baby). I will not welcome into our life any plastic toys and other products that I do not feel comfortable with (such as baby perfumes, scented baby lotions, clothing and textiles with corporate characters on them, luxury baby products/status items, and baby shoes). We do not have a car and avoid cars more generally, so we will not have a baby car seat.