Figuring things out
So many things are unfolding at the same time. In my field (post-growth) we often seem to look for somewhat simple answers. Naturally, we acknowledge that things are messy in reality, but we still offer what appears to be answers. These are eco-social policies that will create space for a post-growth society, these are business models for genuine sustainability, these are sustainable technologies, and here are unsustainable ones.
This chapter of my life is humbling in the sense of bringing my attention to how reality unfolds, and how disorientating it feels. I am trying to learn from this feeling of disorientation and trying to figure things out.
Disorientation manifests in so many ways. I try to practise intuitive walking, meaning that I don't use an app to navigate and find the places I need to visit. At some point I will say more about it, but I do this to connect deeper with the city.
At times, I wonder where to get lunch in the city I still don't know well. Even though I practise extreme minimalism, I still consume. There are certain principles behind my consumption that I write about in this autoethnography, but they can only guide.
Being with a person who has a young child from his previous relationship is challenging. I can see how he is trying to be there for the child and nurture our relationship at the same time, and it feels chaotic.
I am learning to stand up for myself in a hostile environment at work. I have written openly about the issue to bring attention to oppression in academia in my entry number 166, but almost every day there is more abuse of power. The toxic individual at work keeps sending emails with more and more tasks which appears to be her revenge for my questioning of her authority. The language she uses it appalling. In some way it is disorienting to be in the field of sustainability and meet such individuals. After all, sustainability is about care.