Being with trees
We live in a large city, and to connect with nature we try to spend time with trees. Usually we go to cemeteries, because there we can enjoy both trees' company and silence that is so difficult to find in a city. Being in a cemetery also reminds me about death and my limited time on Earth in my current form, as a souled, conscious, human being.
I developed a relationship with trees when I was very young. I was born in a large city, and my mum would take me to a local park very often. I believe that being in a park, playing with pine cones and pine needles made me feel safe in the universe and in nature. My mum would always present trees as beings and encouraged both my brother and I to hug them or to simply put our hands on their magical trunks, to feel their energy. We moved to a rural area after several years in the city, and in the rural area my brother and I would climb trees. Sitting on a branch of a tree felt like sitting on our mother's lap. I would talk to trees. I could see them from my bedroom window. They were moving so gracefully in the wind, and I thought that they were talking to each other. Oftentimes I would fall asleep trying to understand the stories the trees were telling. I thought that at some point, just like I learned to understand and speak human languages, I would also understand those trees. My mother told us that there is something every human being had to do in their life, and it was to plant a tree. My brother and I planted some birches. We brought tiny fir trees home too and planted them in the garden.
These days, my mind takes me back to those experiences very often. I observe that my ecological worldview goes back not so much to the academic books that I've been reading since the beginning of my PhD journey, but rather all the way to my childhood. Those books did help me structure my worldview though. They helped me acquire a vocabulary to describe my experiences. I'm thinking of words such as self-transcendence, oneness, awe, gratitude, for example.
