214

 Contemplating, growing and writing

For some weeks before I resigned from the Finnish university and some weeks after that, I was interested only in simple things as I was trying to recover from what I went through. I was interested in sleeping and eating, and at times walking. Soon after I moved to Denmark I could write again. Now things are shifting, and I have enough energy to contemplate and grow. 

While I think we grow through bad experiences, for me it was only possible to analyse that after I moved and found safety. At the time when the unpleasant situation was unfolding, I felt sick on a bodily level when I got emails from the manager whose behaviour I experienced as abusive and violent. These days when I think about that situation, I can smile and be grateful to the universe that my values, words and behaviours match. When I didn't respond to a rude email from that individual, they "requested a corrective action". The language they used was ugly and violent. While it was so, it doesn't affect me any longer. In my communication I try to manifest love that I feel towards fellow beings. 

Having lived through a horrible situation myself, I believe, contributed to my writing. I'm working on my book at the moment, and my writing feels more nuanced and even more empathetic and raw. 

I was contemplating UBI (universal basic income) again and how helpful it would be to so many fellow humans in the same position that I was in. It would allow them to express non-compliance with violence and simply walk away (while making a statement and trying, before they leave, to transform structures). It would also give them some space to think and grow. 

Some beautiful things are unfolding. The old is being shed and the new opportunities arise. I will not have access to my Finnish university account anymore, but today I received an email saying that my Roskilde University account has been created. 

213

 Food market

Yesterday we went for a long walk and on the way decided to pick up some vegetables at a food market here in Copenhagen. Some of them came from Denmark, but many of them didn't. There were cranberries from the US, tomatoes from France and Spain, radishes from Germany. There were papayas and dragon fruits. Many fruits and vegetables were unpackaged though. It felt odd to be there. It was possible to incorporate many sustainability practices, such as buying unpackaged seasonal Danish root vegetables. It was also possible to buy zero-waste tropical fruits. The food market was rather expensive. Buying there felt more like a gift to oneself than something to practise regularly. Earlier in the autumn we picked up some vegetables from a local farmers' market. I liked that experience more but they unfortunately didn't accept cards.

At the food market we picked up some fresh tulips. It wasn't clear where they came from. I buy and receive fresh flowers very rarely, though I do prefer them as a gift instead of more permanent items. Something that makes me feel uncomfortable about welcoming flowers into my space is the fact that they are not a need. In summer I often bring home some local flowers that simply grow outside (such as yarrow), if they grow in abundance. Right now there is not much to pick, especially since I relocated to Copenhagen. Having fresh flowers at home in the Nordics in autumn-winter feels magical. 

These fresh flowers make me think about imperfection of my ecological path yet again. Having something that is clearly not a need but trying to navigate this in a more ecological manner (e.g. use a repurposed glass jar for the flowers) feels conflicted. 

When we were writing our mostly theoretical book, it was easy to separate needs from wants. In reality, things are so much more complex, especially if we consider social rituals such as gift-giving.