A day
We went for a long walk, to connect with the Sun, the city, and to buy a natural, certified wooden brush we use for cleaning. We could get a brush in a nearby supermarket, but since we were going for a walk, we decided to do better, and buy the brush from a small, local, independently owned ecological shop here in Copenhagen. Perhaps to some it would feel like a waste of time, but being present in every action, no matter how small, has over the years become incredibly important to me. Cleaning my home, washing dishes, buying something zero-waste that I always use are not chores. They are transformative practices. Such important parts of slow and simple living.
I wore my uniform, something that I choose to wear every day as a practice of simplicity. I wore sweatpants made from recycled cotton. I recently cut off the elastics from the sweatpants because they were uncomfortable, so the edge looks raw and perhaps a bit uneven, but this is ok. I wore a basic top and a linen shirt that has holes in it. I also wore socks and sandals. Recently I was very ill. I still haven't recovered fully. My sense of smell isn't fully back yet, I cough a lot, I can't take a deep breath, I get tired more quickly than before, and my body temperature fluctuates. So I took my jacket with me in a cotton net bag. I try to avoid medication as much as possible, and to recover I drink a lot of water and tea, and try to feel cosy as much as possible.
On the way back home, we got lunch in a smørrebrød store. We don't eat out often, but at times we visit local, casual cafes and food outlets.
Then my partner left to fulfil his childcare responsibilities. I stayed home to write. Writing about this topic feels vulnerable, but I spend much less time with his child than we originally planned. We agree that this is a good option for now, though perhaps he was hoping that we would spend more time together. We are social scientists but we don't know what is best for a child, so we are navigating the situation we are in to the best of our abilities. My partner shares childcare responsibilities 50/50 with his previous partner. Over time, we realised that my partner and I have very different approaches to parenting. I don't have children, but I feel inspired by slow parenting, alternative parenting, and zero-waste parenting practices. I believe that it's important for children to spend much time in and with nature, with non-humans, to engage in calming and creative activities, to engage (in a playful and supervised, safe way of course) in simple, everyday practices such as cooking and recycling. His approach is different, and it's ok. I also live with high sensory processing sensitivity, and I found that spending much time with a child whose personality is very different from mine is overstimulating and difficult for me. She enjoys everything that I used to dislike as a child, such as theatre, cinema, plastic toys, tv, competitions, and spending much time with fellow humans. Having said that, I love her and appreciate her unique, vibrant, sparkling personality. I appreciate our differences. I haven't yet figured out my role in her life though and haven't found ways in which I can contribute to her wellbeing and personal growth. The values I would love to offer to any young fellow human being feel very different to the values her parents have in mind, which makes it challenging for me to understand my role. Perhaps there is no single, perfect way to be a stepparent. I was brought up from birth by my stepdad, and my mother was brought up by a stepdad too, since she was around 13 years old. Those fellow humans, i.e., my stepdad and my mother's stepdad played very different, though positive, roles in our lives.
