356

 Small practices of harmonious living

I observe that most of my autoethnography is dedicated to small-scale practices, both spiritual, social, and material. It is not often that I make big decisions (such as moving countries or forming a relationship). I grow in and through small-scale acts and everyday practices, and this is where sustainability is manifested. By sustainability I mean a more harmonious way of relating with the world (the self, human and non-human others, and the Earth). 

Honouring objects is a sustainability practice. The cup in the picture above is something my partner inherited from his grandparents. I don't own any kitchen items at all. I've always used someone else's and never felt the need to buy my own. It feels like there are enough of them in the society of which I am part. In Sweden, I borrowed kitchen items from my university department and from a friend. In Finland, I borrowed everything from a friend. Here in Denmark all kitchen items belong to my partner, and we share them. Something that is mine is a glass jar that came with pasta sauce. I use it as a glass and to make tea. I say that it is mine jokingly, of course. At times, I think it's odd that at the age of 35 I don't own a cup or a spoon. But life unfolds in its own way, and everyone's journey is different. Over time, I realised that partly I want these data to be public to reveal a different story, not only to be fully transparent in my research. When I was growing up, there were very few alternatives. At times, I think it would have been helpful to have them around me, to have stories and examples, so I could feel more confident on my own journey. 

We use only objects from nature as decorations. Stones, flowers, shells. Recently, I returned all the stones I lived with to Nature. These black stones my partner brought from Bornholm. It was interesting for me to learn that his father carries a stone in his pocket. This is something I've been doing on and off for many years. 

I cut off the elastics from my sweatpants. I live with 10 items of clothing, 2 of which are 2 pairs of sweatpants. I wear the same outfit every day for all activities. Meetings, teaching, talks, walks, travelling, shopping, and so on. Everything is simple and comfortable. I noticed that the elastics were not comfortable. They were leaving marks on my skin, so I let them go. I put them in textiles recycling bin. I very much appreciate the new raw edge and the act of making this item suit me and my needs. A while ago, I cut off the label from these sweatpants. 

355

 Preparing for our talk

Something got broken in our rented apartment in Copenhagen. This resulted in much noise in the apartment, so we decided to work from a local café. I used to feel uncomfortable working from cafes, but over time I changed my perspective. I began to nurture the feeling of being at home everywhere, seeing the universe as my home rather than, say, only my rented apartment. My partner and I are working on our tomorrow's presentation at our (Roskilde) university. We will be talking about self-transformations. In our view, self-transformation in relation to post-growth is a topic that does not receive the attention it deserves. There is often a false dichotomy between self-transformations and change in systems. In our view, both matter, and changes in systems are results of collective and individual actions of humans. While my partner is more interested in what facilitates (and constrains) self-transformations on the systemic and cultural level, I am more interested in persons' being in the world, their experiences, what guides them, their practices. Perhaps this is why (auto)ethnography has become my most favourite research method. I experience self-transformation as a dialectic of shedding and acquiring something. For example, it is about shedding of fear, overwork, false beliefs, overplanning. It is about acquiring a genuine, felt sense of care towards humans and non-humans, empathy, solidarity. In my own journey, I try to experience self-transcendence (oneness, love, gratitude, awe, wonder) as much as possible. 

Something that I find important are practices. It it not enough to say, "this is my worldview, I love nature, human and non-human others, and myself". This worldview needs to manifest in actions. In acts of self-care, taking from mother Earth only what is necessary. In avoiding overconsumption. In treating fellow humans and non-humans in a loving way. This morning I called the Finnish tax office. A while ago, I was never looking forward to calling tax authorities. But those are my fellow humans. They have only been kind and helpful to me. I thought to myself, why am I experiencing love towards my partner and my brother and fear calling the tax office? I then thought about my writing. Many years ago, I decided to write my academic contributions in the way that is almost the same as how I write an email to a friend. The notion of treating everyone in the same way, with care, love, kindness, empathy, solidarity, began to acquire a deeper meaning. 

When it comes to self-transformations, I'm not fully there yet. I'm not sure it's possible to ever be there. Self-transformation is a journey.