Autoethnography and mental health
Autoethnography is my favourite research method. Its beauty is in its authenticity, length, depth, and nuance. For my main research, I use case studies, as I study businesses. When it comes to depth of insight, it is hard to compare case studies and autoethnography. Of course the nature of these subjects and insights is different, but I can't get as much access to the psyche and experiences of others as I have to my own psyche and my own experiences.
To some, autoethnography seems easy because it is essentially the study of the self. There is no need to try and reach other humans and transcribe interviews. I've been working on my autoethnography for many years, and using autoethnography as a research method is challenging for many reasons. One of the reasons is vulnerability and almost extreme self-disclosure, as you reveal your practices, doubts, mistakes, worries, failures, and deeper thoughts. Also, together with authenticity comes the felt need to write when something ugly is unfolding. Perhaps these moments are also valuable and important to note. I observe and learn a lot during challenging times.
The current chapter started with an issue with a manager whose behaviour I experience as discrimination and sexism, which led to a work environment that feels toxic and unsafe. I began to seek help from occupational health professionals. Health records are of course private but I want to quote from them to provide context: "[...] indicates severe anxiety. The reported problems caused great difficulties in coping with work, household chores and getting along with other people. [...] indicates severe depression. [...] According to my assessment, [...] is not able to work at the moment due to the strong work-related psychosocial load".
Dwelling in this space provokes many questions in my mind. I contemplate the relationship between sustainability and mental health, the need to protect myself vs the need to fight against discrimination, the need to be authentic in my autoethnography vs privacy.
Is it fair to return to taking autoethnographic notes when the unfolding situation is somehow resolved? Should I write more now when I'm trying to survive this situation and even grow spiritually as a result of this struggle?
Ultimately, it is my decision. There is no perfect way of doing autoethnography. I could focus on the material aspects of being in this situation. For instance, prescription medication that I am taking to address some symptoms of stress results in additional plastic waste. Having a close connection with nature/cosmos, going for walks, sensing nature is helpful. Yet, focusing on the material aspects (such as plastic waste and sensing nature) feels reductionist.