Everything I own
The photograph above is not staged to capture what belongs to me. I put all my possessions in one place because I've been contemplating leaving my current home and my relationship. I believe that some of my fellow humans have felt this way at times, too. I'm not feeling ashamed of contemplating leaving and preparing for it. I have been wanting to leave often since my partner and I moved in together, but every time we had a relationship crisis, we decided to work on our relationship. Over time, I realised that we are failing to find a solution, and that I must focus on myself again, as I cannot serve nature, fellow humans and non-humans if I am not on a path of wellbeing and growth. I also realised that it's ok if a relationship does not work out.
When I think about leaving my relationship, I'm experiencing a mix of emotions. I feel sadness and grief. At the same time, I feel freedom. I feel excitement about extra energy, time, and opportunities for growth. I am excited about living authentically again.
I decided to use this moment to contemplate my relationship with objects too. When my partner and I moved in together, I had a sense of having a home. All the previous places where I had lived were temporary, as were my contracts with universities in Sweden and in Finland. Extreme minimalism is very important to me for ecological, spiritual, and aesthetic reasons. I was worried that when I settle somewhere, I would consume more and invite more objects into my life. I was worried that we, my partner and I, would have too much. And it happened. My partner and I decided to meet in the middle, which meant acquiring some furniture. He brought many kitchen items from his previous apartment. After a while, his child from a previous relationship started spending more time with us, and we decided to create a space for her in our small studio apartment. So I began to live with much more than what I was used to and what was ideal for me. More objects accumulated more dust, and it was time-consuming to clean. I must say that my reason for wanting to leave this relationship is not extra objects. I knew that if we moved in together, I would stop practising my preferred, furniture-free mode of living.
Below is what I own. I don't like the word "own", as I am not feeling possessive about, or attached to, any of these objects in any way, perhaps apart from the stone I brought from northern Sweden where I used to live.
Clothes. I own very few items. 3 pairs of sweatpants, 1 pair of shorts, 2 linen shirts, several basic tops, 1 jacket, 1 woollen scarf, 2 hats (I would leave one or give it away), underwear (no bras) and socks. I've had an extremely minimalist wardrobe for many years. I wear the same outfit every day (sweatpants, basic top, linen shirt) for teaching, meetings, walking, travelling and everything else. What helps me sustain this wardrobe is having items only in the colours I genuinely love and that match, and only owning items that are well-made and made from natural materials.
Shoes. I have two pairs of sandals and 1 pair of running shoes. I wear sandals all year round, when it's not snowing. Also in winter. When I lived in England, at times I only owned sandals. I bought running shoes when I moved to northern Sweden. The climate there was not conducive to wearing only sandals.
Documents, passport, bank card. I try to avoid keeping documents in a paper form, but I still have a few. The passport is something I don't necessarily want to have, but I have to. The same goes for the bank card.
Cotton tote bags. I have a few because I use them as handbags, for travelling, laundry, storage, shopping. I think the ones made from organic, undyed cotton are incredibly beautiful. I often think about my place in Finland where I lived without furniture. I slept on a yoga mat and I used cotton tote bags as storage. It was a very beautiful and calming space. I still have a tote bag made from synthetic materials. I used that tote bag when I relocated from Sweden to Finland, and from Finland to Denmark. It's very light and has a zip (something that my cotton tote bags don't have). It's also very spacious. I do not love this object as it is made from synthetic materials. I don't like touching it. Perhaps over time I can give it away and use only cotton tote bags instead.
Reusable water bottle. I do not own glasses or a ceramic mug. I used to use a jar that came with pasta sauce. These days I use a reusable coffee mug that my partner gave to me as a gift. I would not take it with me, as a reusable water bottle that can be used for both cold and hot drinks would be enough. In a new place, I would get another jar. I would use the reusable water bottle to make strong tea that would keep warm for many hours. A while ago, my partner got several glasses from a local eco-social enterprise. They are made from recycled bottles. But I noticed that I did not want to use them, as I preferred to use the jar. Somehow using the jar represented so many things that I stand for. Simplicity, being down-to-earth, and so on.
The Swedish stone. I picked up this stone in northern Sweden on a department trip. It was one of the objects I took with me when I moved to Finland. Then I brought it with me to Denmark. I had some other stones from Finland and Denmark, but I returned them to nature. The Swedish stone is the only decoration and the only sentimental item I own.
Personal care. My personal care objects are zero-waste and minimal. I use a bar of soap, multi-purpose natural balm, toothpaste tabs, unpackaged crystal deodorant, a shampoo bar, a toothbrush (either bamboo or recycled food plastic). None of them contain water, so they are small and easy to transport. Apart from these objects, I have scissors and a handkerchief. I have organic menstrual products (by the way, I strongly believe they should be free!). I also have a comb made from recycled plastic (I believe) that I got from a hotel where I was staying once. I don't have a brush, as I don't brush my hair. It's curly/wavy, so I only use a comb or just my fingers.
Medicine. I used to have more medicines than I do now. When I lived in Finland, I experienced harassment from my manager. I was on medication because of that. I also live with an autoimmune skin condition, so I had medicine for that too. Since I became very strict with what touches my skin (organic cotton, linen, basic unscented products), my skin has looked good. I have some painkillers but I use them rarely. I used to have birth control pills, but they affected my body extremely negatively, so I stopped using them. I have a natural iron supplement, but I would not take it with me. I do not avoid conventional medicine and seek medical advice when I am ill, but most of the time I try to use natural solutions. For example, when I have a cold, I rest and drink much water and herbal tea. Something that I used to have before are plasters. I would not take them with me. If I need one, I could buy it in a pharmacy. On my minimalist and zero-waste journey, I have learned to avoid thinking "what if", especially when the chances of something unfolding are very small.
Laptop and phone. When I travel, I wrap my laptop in a cotton bag and plastic bag to protect it from rain. For better protection, I can wrap it in my woollen scarf. I use my phone mainly for public transport. In my sufficiency list (I disclosed it in this article), I also had headphones. The ones I had before were damaged by a cat I used to live with in England. I continued to use them until they broke. The Finnish university acquired new headphones for me, but I returned them when I resigned. In Denmark, I borrowed my partner's headphones, and I will return them.
I would not take any other items. The furniture my partner and I got together, but I prefer to live furniture-free as I lived in Finland. The kitchen items belong to my partner, but I would not want them anyway. When I relocate, I do not ever take kitchen items with me, as I can borrow them from fellow humans. I would not take any home textiles either. I love the pläd we brought from my favourite ecological shop in Sweden, but I would not carry it with me. Towels and even bedding I can borrow from my fellow humans.
I had two items of jewellery, a ring made from stone and a stone bracelet my partner gave me. I used the stone ring as something to play with to help me feel relaxed in very busy spaces. But then I realised that I could simply use the Swedish stone that I carry with me anyway. Or anything else from nature, such as a shell. I gave the bracelet away as I do not wear jewellery. In my mind, it also has negative associations.
I have two backpacks. The small one is made from polyester and cotton. The large one is made from vinylon f. I am not sure if I want to keep them, if I need them at all. The vinylon fabric feels horrible to my skin and I avoid touching it. The fabric attracts dust and lint very easily too. I also try to avoid clothing items and textiles that I cannot wash easily. This backpack, unlike organic cotton tote bags, cannot be washed in a washing machine. And when I wash it with a sponge and soap, I am worried about the chemicals that are returned to water. Though the backpack is durable and useful. I used it often for work and travelling, and when I moved from Finland to Denmark.
Something that is missing, I feel, is a food box. I used to have one when I lived in Sweden but I gave it away to a fellow human who needed it more than I did. That box was made from glass, and it was very heavy, thus not comfortable to use in my everyday life. Writing these words reminded me of my first days in Sweden. I moved there from England with almost the same objects that I mentioned above. I lived in a tiny, 20 square meters studio apartment. It was my most favourite apartment where I've lived in my life. It was very well designed and the windows faced trees where I could often see a squirrel. The housing company brought a bed, a table and two chairs in there. I had no cutlery, no plates. I borrowed everything from my university department and then from a friend. Over time I bought a few objects that I then gave to that friend and to a colleague. But I think that in the first few days, I got a salad in a plastic bowl and used that plastic bowl to make more salad. Then I got a food box that I used instead of a bowl and for storing food. It felt wonderful to live so simply.
There are objects I would not take with me since I do not own them. I have no car, no electrical devices that belong to me, no bike. The apartment is rented. There are a few objects that were mine and that I brought to a swap shop so fellow humans can get them for free.