123

 Dreams

In these autoethnographic notes and in many other spaces of my life I've said it so many times that small scale actions performed by one person are not going to stop ecological degradation. In the beginning of my (conscious) ecological journey I emphasised the link between personal ecological actions and ecological degradation more. But since stepping on this path many other aspects revealed themselves, such as the aesthetic aspect of this mode of being. Living with much less than what is the norm in our society frees up much energy and time for other pursuits. Some of them are spiritual or self-transcendent, concerning the relationship between oneself and the universe. Others are very personal. In some way, living with less freed up much energy to dream. Here I don't mean one's mind's activities while one sleeps, but rather conscious activities of the mind. Perhaps hopes and plans are better words for these, but the word hope somehow underemphasises one's agency, and the word plan underemphasises emergence and unpredictable unfolding of the future.  

Recently I was talking to my fellow human at work. I told her that my dream is to live with the same tea cup for many years. In the past few years, and in my life more generally, I've moved a lot. Every time I moved with a very small number of items, taking with me only what I could carry. A tea cup is one of these items I could easily leave behind because there is always someone who would want it, and in my new location there is always someone who is willing to give one to me. A tea cup has become almost a symbol of home. 

When I talk to my fellow humans, I often notice that many dreams relate to having. My dreams, apart from "having" a home (not necessarily possessing a house), relate to feeling and being in the world in a certain way. Having objects or ticking items off a list of experiences (e.g., visiting certain places) or a list of achievements (e.g., my works published in certain journals) are not my dreams. Some of the dreams relate to growth, acceptance and even non-having. It feels to me that such dreams cannot ever be fulfilled completely, as growth is unfolding constantly, acceptance is an ongoing practice, as is non-having; but they can be lived. 

122

 Shopping

Acquiring objects produced by someone else remains a part of my life. I don't practise a lifestyle of self-sufficiency, and even if I did, I doubt it would be possible to rely completely on oneself. Owning/possessing objects has never been the most important aspect of my life, so shopping has never been my favourite activity. Most of the items I welcome into my space align with my so-called sufficiency list (a playful list of objects I sketched many years ago). One practice I do not necessarily oppose but certainly do not welcome into my life is eco consumerism, or retaining patterns of overconsumption but doing so in an ecological way. Via shopping less, wearing the same things etc. I want to participate in normalisation of living with less, in experiencing a beautiful and meaningful life with less objects. When I was in Sweden recently I visited a store (a small eco-social business) that I used to visit at times when I lived in Sweden. I went there to repurchase some natural soaps and a salva that I usually use. 

121

Reconnecting with my office

I don't separate my life and my work, so taking time off work feels somewhat artificial. In my field, it is normal to advocate for less work, e.g., for shorter working hours or a shorter work week. While in general these ideas seem good, to me personally things like stability and significant flexibility matter more. 

This autoethnography is perhaps where my life and professional interests intertwine most obviously. During this holiday season I've been sketching some thoughts for my book and some autoethnographic notes. Going back to the office in summer is beautiful. The space is still empty and peaceful, very suitable for sitting and thinking. I could be doing these activities at home, but the sounds from the construction site nearby are distracting. 

For a while, I was looking forward to reconnecting with the tranquil office space, a fellow human who works there and with my Swedish stone that I left at the office for the summer. In the office, as at home, I try to use zero-waste and natural items as much as possible. I brought my water bottle and a cotton bag to the office. I also took the metal box of sweets with me. My partner brought them to Finland when he visited me, so this simple object has sentimental value.