Learning from my grandmother
Recently, my stepfather shared some pictures of the photo album my mother kept from the time I was a newborn to when I was a pre-schooler. It was so interesting to see. I've seen it before, but it is only now when I noticed that some of it was written by my mother like an autoethnography. It described her experiences of motherhood, of having her first child. Her and I were never close. She was an extraverted person who wanted my brother and I to succeed in conventional ways. To do well in our studies, to attend a university. She died when I was 17. Among the photos there were some with my grandmother Frida.
As a researcher, I learn from books and articles, from fellow scholars' talks, from conversations. But I also learn from fellow humans outside academia and from non-humans. For example, spending time with non-humans such as the sea, the sun, stones, and trees puts everything into perspective. I see clearly what is timeless and genuinely important, and what is temporary and insignificant. Spending hours with the sea and other non-humans helped me resign from my position at a Finnish university as an act of protest, to say no to something that is seen as desirable and choose something that is better. I chose love. I am inspired by non-human animals' confidence. Observing them empowered me to wear the same outfit every day, to be humble about my academic credentials. When I am in a forest with birds, squirrels, and deer, none of them care about the number of publications and citations I have. To them, my PhD means nothing.
I learned many things from my grandmother. She was born in 1936 and had a challenging childhood because of the second world war. She is Jewish. She worked her whole life, but never prioritised her career. She has always been a playful person who loves to dance and sing. She surely does not call herself a practitioner of voluntary simplicity, zero waste, or minimalism, but many of the practices I enact in my daily life are things she has been doing her whole life. It is humbling to realise this. At times, minimalism and zero-waste feel so new and recent, but so much of it is not.
Frida has always cooked from scratch, and often it was simple food. She never followed recipes, and I learned from her that it was important to know the techniques and general principles of making food, but it was not important to be prescriptive and dogmatic. This empowered me to practise zero-waste in relation to food. When I go to a supermarket or a food market, I do not have a list with me. I simply take a look at what is available that is local, seasonal, organic, and unpackaged. And then some dish or a meal will come to mind.
She has always looked after the objects she lived with. She took good care of them, would always repair things. Though she would always take good care of objects, she was never attached to them. When I was very young, I liked to play with her jewellery. When I asked if I could play with it, she would jokingly say no but then almost immediately would say yes. I knew she would allow me to do it.
She used reusable bags and food boxes far before I started to do it.
She always felt comfortable with nature. She knew what mushrooms, berries, leaves to pick. She would often harvest wild nettles from nature to make a natural remedy for her hair. She had plants at home that she used for her skincare.
I was always inspired by her style. She certainly has more clothes than I do and wears different outfits for different occasions, but she never changed her style because of fashion trends or something she saw on tv.
She prioritised her family and other fellow humans. Motherhood, children, her partner, friends, community. She never saw her job as the main aspect of her life. She would share a lot with her friends and community, would always try to get something for her friends if they couldn't. I was inspired by her approach to female friendships. She had many close female friends. In her youth, therapy was not as popular as it is now, and I believe that the support network her girlfriends and her had was good for their mental health. She looked after my stepfather's aunt when she was very old. Recently, she said that she wanted to look after my partner's child from his previous relationship.
She took long holidays. This is something I am still learning to do. Even after many years of practising voluntary simplicity, at times I still feel guilty for doing nothing if I don't write for a long time.
Frida has always been non-hierarchical. I believe that fellow humans always loved her for this reason. She would treat everyone with kindness and care, irrespective of their position in society and their journey.
She has always been interested in everything unconventional. Natural remedies, crystals. While I've always shared her interest in natural remedies, I could never understand her interest in crystals and other new age practices. Over time, I began to appreciate her searching for insights in different domains of reality, including dreams and intuition. In her bookshelves, one could find classic literature and books about crystals. It feels playful.
In her home, she has always kept stones and shells. I share with her deep love for these beings.
I was inspired by Frida's loving relationship with her husband. Both of them were funny, cool, caring, relaxed humans. They were never arrogant, overconfident, disrespectful. I think they succeeded in life.