Feelings
After resigning (as an act of activism and protest against violence in academia) I received many messages of support from my colleagues. Some promised to continue fighting against violence and try to improve the organisation.
One of my colleagues said that they heard that my contract could not be extended. My contract was valid for another year and some months.
Another colleague asked me how I was feeling, and this is what I want to capture in this entry. There are many feelings at once. I'm feeling deep frustration and sadness that nothing was done. My partner noticed that it looked like the HR were taking orders from my manager rather than try and resolve the situation first and foremost by removing the manager from my management as her manager requested. I'm still feeling traumatised by everything I had to go through. I'm feeling liberated. My manager's manager said that my manager loves power. I realised that I have agency, and that she has power over me only in a very particular setting: in an employee-employer relationship within a hierarchical organisation within a system where tenured professors cannot be fired no matter what they do. I feel solidarity with those fellow humans who are in precarious positions. I feel privileged that I receive so much support from my fellow humans who are familiar with the situation and from my partner. I'm feeling grateful for my partner's support and love. Though stepping out of the toxic space where I was comes with financial consequences, my partner and I agree that my mental health is more important than money. Overall, I'm feeling happy.