Sorrow
Many thoughts and events constellated in such a way that I began to feel deep and intense sorrow. I feel such emotions very rarely. I am more used to feeling self-transcendent emotions such as gratitude and awe. At times, sorrow manifested in my life with shifts on my path, but at those times it came together with other emotions and feelings. For example, leaving England that had been my home for more than 10 years came with a positive feeling of stepping into the magical unknown in beautiful northern Sweden. Sorrow that accompanied leaving northern Sweden which I love immensely came with a sense of adventure. This time, sorrow came unaccompanied and is pure and authentic. Many of the things that caused it cannot be resolved, and I decided to welcome this emotion as part of my journey and growth.
This once again made me think about imperfection and ephemerality of being of deep transformations, and how different emotional landscapes affect our practices. Some fellow humans who are also on various paths of being in the world differently mention that their motivation to engage in sustainability practices diminish when they feel sorrow, sadness, grief and other similar emotions. In light of such conversations I was always curious about what would unfold on my own journey. Perhaps every human being deals with it in their own way, but I felt an overwhelming desire to be with nature, something I experience as a source of unconditional and genuine love and acceptance. The need to be with nature is something I feel every day but this time it felt like an imperative. It felt essential for healing.
After endless hot days, it rained. I always liked rain but fell in love with it completely when I lived in England. There was such a wonderful diversity of rain, and because rain water is soft, it felt like a gift from nature compared to the hard water in the area where I lived in England. Here in Finland, I live by the sea, and I went for a long walk in the rain, to listen to the sound of raindrops meeting the surface of the sea. There was no wind, and the sound was ethereal and magical.