Thoughts on decluttering
Recently, my partner and I recorded a video about decluttering (it can be found here). But then I wanted to take a few notes about decluttering, too. I've written about it in this autoethnography before. For example, here.
I don't love the word decluttering. I use it at times because fellow humans in the social movements I am part of (e.g., minimalism, extreme minimalism, simple living) use it, and it helps us communicate more effectively. Yet, personally I prefer words such as letting go, saying goodbye, finding a new loving home for items. This is because things are not clutter, even if they feel as such, even if I don't need or want them. They embody my labour, fellow humans' labour, our time. They embody nature and non-human beings. For example, whenever I say goodbye to an item of clothing, which happens very rarely, I think about cotton plants growing from seeds, human beings designing and making this item, spending their precious time on making it. I also think about fellow humans who could benefit from this item even if I don't.
Fellow humans ask me about decluttering very often. And I think I understand why. Stepping away from feeling overwhelmed and towards feeling liberated is wonderful. In the past few days, my partner has been decluttering his electronic items, such as emails and photographs, and I notice a shift in him.
It's difficult to offer a list of steps to fellow humans that ensure that in the end of this decluttering journey one is left exactly with the items that enhance their life. Everyone is a unique individual. What works for me might not work for someone else. Moreover, I've never formally decluttered my space. I moved countries when I was young. I didn't have an enormous amount of possessions to begin with, and when I moved, I took with me only what I needed. The rest was given away to friends, family and community.
Having said that, my partner certainly decluttered, and we contemplated several steps that fellow humans can take.
The first step would be to have an inner dialogue, to understand why one wants to be on this path. My reasons for living with less, for example, are ecological, spiritual, aesthetic, health-related (both mental and physical), and financial. It feels so helpful to see the process of decluttering as an exercise in self-love, self-care, and self-knowledge. If I wanted to declutter right now, I'd be asking myself why I am in the situation I am in, what encourages me to consume more and to keep items, what influences me, and so on. I'd be looking for inspiration and personal stories within various sustainability movements (slow living, simple living, minimalism, frugality, etc.) while recognising that I'm a unique individual.
And then it feels helpful to identify what is essential. Rather than asking myself What should I say goodbye to/what do I dislike/what did I waste money on? I would be asking myself What makes my life good and cosy?
This is how I identified what to take with me every time I moved, and every time I went somewhere for a long-ish period of time. This is how I sketched my "sufficiency list". I think it's so helpful to write these things down. To this day, I maintain my sufficiency list. It's barely changed since 2010. I've shared it both in my published works and in this autoethnography. Everyone's sufficiency list would be unique. For example, my laptop is on that list. I use it for my academic work and for my hobbies. I love writing and reading, and I use my laptop for both. For some, a laptop is not an essential. For other persons, craft items could be on their lists, or sports equipment, or musical instruments. I don't believe that such lists should be numbered. When I reflect on my sufficiency list, I think about abundance, security, comfort, stability, continuity, gratitude. Never about deprivation or competition (whose list is the shortest?).
What about the items that are not on the list? I would either simply live with them if I share my life with someone, or say goodbye to them. For example, I live with my partner. Before we moved in together, I lived without furniture and I slept on a yoga mat. We agreed to invite into our life a few pieces of furniture and a mattress. And that's ok. Some fellow humans prefer to give themselves some time to contemplate whether they need items or not. It could be helpful, but perhaps it depends on a person, too. I prefer to dive into something, to make a step and observe inner growth as I'm stepping into something new. Self-knowledge helps so much here. For example, I used to keep a few emails that my partner and I exchanged in the beginning of our relationship. But then I deleted them, all at once. While one fellow human might appreciate gentle and long-term contemplation (e.g., keeping some items in a box for some months), another one might feel that this approach weighs them down and prevents them from starting a new chapter. When I stopped wearing makeup, I simply stopped. I didn't transition. When I stopped wearing bras, I just stopped. I didn't keep one or two just in case. But this is not the right way. What is right depends on a person.
Some time ago, I decided to write an entry about what I invite into my life every month. It's not accompanied by an entry on what I say goodbye to. This is because my partner and I don't declutter these days. When we moved in together, I had only one bag and a backpack containing everything that I brought with me from Finland. That is, everything that I had. And he had only one suitcase. it was so interesting to observe what humans consider essential. There were a few items of clothing, cutlery, towels. Over time, we did invite more items into our life. Many of them my partner brought from his previous home. But we never had much to begin with.
Occasionally, we donate items. They could be, for example, unwanted gifts or clothing items that no longer fit us. We don't accumulate items. Most of the items that enter our life every month are replacements for something we've used up. Toothpaste, toothbrushes, dish brushes, laundry sheets, shampoos, and so on.
We never declutter each other's items, and I never declutter my stepchild's items. If I notice that some of her clothes are too small for her, I have a conversation with my partner about it, so that he and her mum can invite replacements into her life. My stepchild is only 5, so I don't make these decisions together with her. In the picture above are some of my stepchild's items. In the white basket, she has many lego pieces, craft supplies, toys, and various plastic objects that I don't know the function of. They are her personal possessions that I don't declutter out of respect towards her and towards her parents.
Something that my partner and I discussed in the video I mentioned above was decluttering the non-material. This feels so incredibly important. While I don't declutter material items, I certainly contemplate whether there is anything in my environment or in my own psyche that is harmful. Harmful expectations, negative influence, relationships and projects that are not nurturing. I either withdraw myself from such spaces completely, or minimise the time I spend in them as much as possible.