Going home
I'm going home after a 2-day workshop in Sweden. The idea of a "home" has finally crystallised for me in the past few weeks. Perhaps it's also temporary but right now I'm experiencing being rooted. In my childhood, my family and I moved a lot because of my stepdad's job. I didn't learn to associate any particular place with home. Then I moved by myself and settled in England for more than 10 years. It didn't feel like home to me. Then I moved to Sweden, then to Finland and finally to Denmark. In Denmark my partner and I rented a place that is now our home. I suppose partly Denmark feels like home because of my partner. Partly because Danish is a Germanic language. I understand much of it because it's close to Swedish. I never learned Swedish but somehow this language learned itself, at least to some degree, into my mind. I noticed that in many places in Sweden I spoke Swedish without actively and consciously choosing which language to speak. Denmark feels like home in contrast with Finland because I felt unsafe at work. In Denmark I feel safe, creative and productive.
I don't have a residence permit for Denmark. I can stay there as a British citizen for three months, but I hope to get a residence permit that allows me to stay there longer.
During the workshop, I noticed that living in so many countries and not speaking any one language perfectly is confusing. It feels that humans expect identities that are not so layered or look like a constellation of identities. At times, I think that living in difference places was good for me. Somehow it reinforced my humanist views. In most places, people have generally been good. Kind, helpful, friendly, generous. At other times, I feel that I chose a somewhat complicated path in my life. While I didn't choose my stepdad's job, afterwards it was my choice to move much.
I often found that answering "where are you from?" has been difficult for me. Now it's even more difficult. I find it hard to explain that my ethnicity, country of birth, nationality, where my current job is, where I lived in the past 2 years, and where I live now are all different.
In the picture above I tried to capture a train moving cut down trees. This is something I don't miss about Sweden. While living in the North of Sweden, seeing cut down trees being transported always felt horrible. I see trees as my fellow beings. It might be hypocritical though, since I now live with some wooden furniture. Perhaps the trees in the picture above will be used for paper production.