Being at Aalborg uni
It's the first day of my visit at Aalborg uni.
The day didn't start well at home. My partner and I just moved in together, but somehow it feels challenging to start our life together well. Our relationship faces everyday challenges. Our communication feels poor. Before we moved in together, I thought it would be much easier to navigate everyday life and my partner's existing commitments, but in reality it is not easy. At this point, I am not sure if it will work out. We love each other but we have very different ideas about life in some important domains. I used to think that love would help us overcome these challenges and differences but perhaps this is not the case.
I felt good when I came to Aalborg uni. My first impression was that it's a peaceful space. The office space is large and shared, everyone sits together. In Umeå where I used to be, everyone, whether it was a PhD student or a professor, had their own office. At Aalto office spaces were assigned based on one's "importance". PhD students sit either in large shared spaces or offices without windows. Postdocs sit in smaller shared offices with windows. Professors have their own offices. Aalto university feels very hierarchical and old-fashioned to me. I often see how postdocs work more than professors. Being in a temporary position is scary, and postdocs often work overtime (unpaid) to have a strong enough cv to eventually get a permanent job. At Aalto I often found myself running between my shared office and a meeting room for some privacy or online meetings, while professors at that university could work in peace. Perhaps it wouldn't be such an issue if the organisational structure was less hierarchical, but unfortunately it is.
Being at Aalborg for a few hours made me realise that I don't want to be in my current university. It may sound strange, and it is not my intention to romanticise an organisation I'm not familiar with, but somewhere on an intuitive level a set of reasons to exit my current workplace crystallised and is beginning to enter my consciousness. Harassment from the manager, hierarchical organisational structure, unhealthy obsession with FT50 journals. All of this creates a toxic space. Of all places where I've worked, I've felt least creative and productive in my current university despite working overtime and most weekends.
The space where I am at Aalborg uni feels cosy and relaxed. Someone has warm blankets in their little corner. A colleague told me that usually people leave at 5, so there is no normalisation of overwork. She mentioned that people here don't send emails in the evenings and on weekends. In Sweden it was so too. No one would send work emails during those times. When I moved to Finland, I saw that it was a normal practice in my department.
In the past few days, I often thought "what am I doing here? why am I here?" in relation to my presence in Denmark. Crossing the bridge between Sweden and Denmark was painful, and stepping into a new chapter with my partner in so many moments felt wrong (though there were also magical moments). At the same time, I feel that I am learning something. Sometimes this "something" is not what I expected to learn. I am learning that I do not want to be in a toxic and unsafe work environment and tolerate harassment. I, and every other human being, deserves to be in a safe, healthy, and supportive space.