Fashion
It feels difficult to start writing this entry, but when I decided to make all of my autoethnographic data public, I also stepped on the path of vulnerability. It's difficult to write this entry because I don't want to manifest disrespect towards my fellow humans who feel genuinely empowered by the fashion industry, for whom fashion is intimately linked with their self-expression and creativity. I will write about my own experiences. Oftentimes fellow humans say to me that even if one (like myself) chooses to wear simple clothing and a self-imposed uniform, they also do it to express themselves. It is so. I'm not indifferent to what I wear and what I communicate via my outfit choice. I wear things that communicate my values, such as durability and simplicity. I want to communicate non-hierarchy, serenity. I wear clothes that look like menswear and pyjamas. I've been wearing a self-imposed uniform for several years (sweatpants or shorts, basic tops, linen shirts). I experience the fashion scene (including fashion companies) that is available and affordable for most persons as hostile. Trends feel overwhelming. Companies try to sell a lifestyles to persons, while it is very rare when the items they sell are meant to last. I am fascinated by various companies' presence on social media. If only I buy this dress, I will look romantic, feminine, or sexy, and live in house like this, with this kind of furniture. I will be happy.
While many fashion companies these days will probably communicate that empowerment of humans is one of the values they stand by and for, in reality it feels that they want to make humans feel insecure about themselves, incomplete without something. Since my early 20s, I've been on a journey to love myself as I am, as mother nature created me. I want to feel my best when I am wearing nothing. And then I add a layer or two of clothing, to honour the norms of my society and to feel warm.
As a business researcher, I feel sorrow about the state of the clothing industry. There are companies that produce high quality, durable goods, but those items are not affordable for humans at large. Businesses with sustainability initiatives oftentimes run those initiatives alongside engaging with trends and using synthetic fabrics. Businesses that are established on sustainability principles oftentimes offer products that are not high quality. As if they hope that a person will donate/throw away the item before they notice how poorly made the item actually is.
I live with 10 items of clothing. It's interesting to live with so few items, as I can witness their ageing process and observe how I feel about wearing the same items every day. Recently I spent some time with those items to see how they are. Some of them have become discoloured, stretched, and stained. I've taken a few items to a textile recycling bin. I could turn them into cloths, but we have enough fabric cloths in our home to last us a while. I don't yet know what I will replace those items with. I am trying to approach my wardrobe carefully not only for ecological, spiritual and aesthetic reasons. I want my stepdaughter who is almost 5 to see that it's ok to wear the same things every day, to avoid jewellery. I want her to know that it's possible to wear very basic clothes and be happy.