Our simple and gentle wedding
My partner proposed to me on 14 February 2024. These months have not been an easy time for us as a couple, but after a lot of work on our relationship, we still decided to get married. We applied to The Danish Agency of Family Law for a permission to get married in September. Between February and September we had a lot of time to plan the wedding of our dreams. We decided to ask ourselves what we really wanted and de-prioritise societal expectations. What I describe below is certainly not meant to be some ideal of an extremely minimalist wedding. It's just one way to approach this event among so many diverse ways. We got married this way for ecological, spiritual and aesthetic reasons, and because it aligns well with our worldviews and the way we live and relate with the world. This approach, to us, felt gentle towards ourselves, fellow humans and non-humans, and nature.
We invited only 4 guests: my stepchild (my partner's child from a previous relationship) and my partner's mother, father and stepmother. Unfortunately my partner's stepmother could not attend for health reasons. His mother and father would also be our witnesses. If my fellow humans wonder why we didn't invite my family, this is because my mother died when I was 17, and my stepfather and brother live far away.
We chose to get married in Copenhagen City Hall (we live in Copenhagen). The ceremony was simple but meaningful, heartfelt and intimate, with us standing in front of the fellow human conducting the ceremony and my stepchild between us holding our hands.
After the ceremony, we decided to celebrate only with my stepchild. Because my partner's parents are separated, we felt that the best way to celebrate with them would be to do it separately on other days.
Costs
The fee that the Danish Agency of Family Law charges to process and issue a certificate of marital status - DKK 1900
Extra fees to get married in Copenhagen City Hall on the date we have chosen - DKK 3800. This was the most expensive part of our wedding.
One paper invitation card for my stepchild - approximately DKK 35
Other invitations (2 guests, they also serves as our witnesses) - free (sent via a text or made via a phone call)
Gift for my stepchild - DKK 199
Gift for my partner - DKK 500. I gave him a "gift bottle". Our local wine shop sells local Danish ciders that my partner loves. They came up with a wonderful gift card idea: they use an empty bottle and hand write the amount on it as well as a number so that they know it's authentic. One brings the bottle back to them and redeems it as a gift card! This gift combines everything that I want my gift to be: local, consumable, zero-waste, creative, with a personal touch.
His gift for me (a bunch of Spanish grapes from a food market) - approximately DKK 90. These are very expensive and we generally try to avoid buying such expensive and imported fruits, but they were absolutely delicious.
It was important to us that our family and friends who wanted to give us gifts would instead donate to humanitarian or environmental causes. My partner's mother gave us some wonderful, home-made crackers though. It was a lovely gift.
Restaurant - DKK 800. I would have preferred to skip this part of the wedding and eat something at home, but we decided to eat at a restaurant because the ceremony was late in the evening and we had my stepchild with us. We also wanted to make it special for her (she doesn't go to restaurants very often).
Flowers - none. Most of them are imported (in fact, all that I've seen).
Wedding rings - none. We decided not to wear any.
Wedding dress/clothes, shoes - none. In the picture above is my wedding outfit. It consists of what I already live with (sweatpants, a basic top, my one and only linen shirt).
Bridesmaid's clothes - none. My stepchild was my bridesmaid and she wore what she already had.
Makeup and hair - none. I don't wear makeup and don't style my hair in my everyday life. So I decided to simply be myself on my wedding day too.
Honeymoon - none. I've been feeling unwell in the first trimester. We decided to go somewhere (it will definitely be local!) when I feel better.
Cake - none. My partner baked a banana bread from the ingredients we already had at home.
Total: approximately DKK 7324 (EUR 982)